NP clinical rotation…

My preceptor is nice but the clinical site that I am is all together foreign to me. One nurse who is in intensive care unit who have been in icu for so many years told me to go butt in and starting ordering stuff. I just keep quit and mum. He does not know that I am afraid because I lack the medical knowledge and I have no clinical experience in an intensive care unit (ICU).  I felt so out of place and I felt so inadequate. I felt that I am just a canvass every time I come and I felt that I am not learning. I have so many questions  but I felt that my preceptor is not open to answering. I ask him if I can observe how he does clinical precodures like arterial lines, endotracheal tube, and etc..and he told me, view it in youtube…seeing it done in actuality is better than a pseudo-environment right…This is hard than I thought, if you a got a preceptor who left you for hours and not even discuss on how to manage patients and willing to share their tricks of the trade. I am literally, crawling on my first clinical rotation and it does not help that the staff seems to be not that welcoming.

I literally blew up yesterday and today’s clinical rotation because I was absent. i felt that I am suffering from a post-traumatic syndrome that just thinking of seeing my preceptor and the clinical site wants me to vomit. I should have head my clinical experience counselor that I should have chosen a preceptor that I know and work closely to avoid clash in personality and demeanor. I HAVE BEEN MEANING TO QUIT! I need advice for those who have experience the same situation as I am. HELP…


The reason…part 2


“The journey has ended…if the path points to unparalleled doubts, self-conflict, and a voiceless distraught… where the world around you is deaf, mute, and blind” – C-E

To the outside world, they see me as the  “cool chick” and not easily affected by what is happening around me. I have no time to be really affected by what the world has to offer because I am so wrapped around my own reality of cyclic on and off switch persona. My off switch, my personal life, is so chaotic. I guess, you could it could be a making of a mini-drama series. I have never formed my own identity. Even in high school, I do not know what I wanted. I grew up in a VERY MATRIARCHAL family. My perception is my mom is always right, so to have no conflict, one must always agree for the sake of family stability. Her voice became my voice. I grappled with what I wanted to be, who am I, and what I really wanted to do with my life. In 1992, I enrolled in nursing because it was supposed to be a pathway to medical school. Frankly, I never imagined myself wearing a white uniform and white caps like Florence Nightingale nor I imagined myself working in nursing or medical field because I felt at that time because I thought I have neither a nurturing or caring attitude flowing through my veins. When one has no idea what road to take, you end in a road that you seem like you are just floating wherever it takes you, so I floated in the nursing profession.

Second year of nursing school, I told my parents that I wanted to switch to a different course. I wanted to transfer to accounting. The reason was quite funny, it’s because I do not like to do bedmaking. I felt that nurses are reduced to making a perfect bed with MITERED corners (which by the way, I haven’t done for seems like eons ago). Fortunately, my mom told me that I should finish what I have started and plus the fact my parents are the one supporting my schooling. In hindsight, I owe it to her that there is one thing that I was able to finish up to the end because after college, I have the habit of just starting and not finishing anything. After graduation, I sporadically applied to different hospitals in my home country. The nursing jobs that I applied for, I usually get it but most of the time, I only stayed in those jobs for about 1-4 months then I quit.  The common denominator was I was a perfectionist and I made some mistakes ergo, I felt like I am not for the nursing profession. I lack the passion, or shall I say my passion meter was  close to NIL. On the site note, working in  World Citi Medical Center has helped me regain my curiosity for nursing and helped shaped my clinical skills. It is befitting to say that the staff at World Citi at that time was eager to teach fresh graduates and devoid of ego-tripping as well as  the concept of  the “senior vs. junior mentality”




First job: Makati Medical Center    2nd job: Medical City          3rd job: World Citi        Length of service: 1 month        Length of service: 4 mos.      Length of service: 6 mos.



This is how to do the MITERED corners in bed making