How do you navigate a life full of ambivalence?
How do you deal with a life influenced by the people around you?
How do you deal with addictions of laziness, movies, phone, and bed?
These are few of the questions that questions my mental health…
Category: Motivation
The walk…
I have been stuck in the laziness and bed addiction for a long time now. I should know the importance of maintaining physical activity, healthy diet and healthy weight loss…The idea of engaging in physical activity only stays in my mind and it has not been converted into action. I need the catalyst to jump into action. My dogs Chazzy, Peter Parker, and Walter are the major motivating factor for me to get out of bed and do some walking but other than that none whatsoever can push me into action. 
Storm…
For the past two weeks, I had been in the eye of the storm. I was ready to pack up, go home to my home country, and create a new life. I am losing grip of who I am, where I am heading, and how can I get my financials and personal life in shape. It is a daily struggle and it is of no help if you have someone who belittles you every other day of what you have not done. When one have self-esteem issues and you are in a relationship with someone who has more issues than you are is a RECIPE FOR DISASTER! My current life is a cyclical of negativity then a bit of peace then back to negativity. I wish to drown myself of the misery and glue myself to the negativity that is surrounding my life so I would not have to get up and face another day. When you have NO VOICE and NOBODY is listening to you, they see you but they do not really see you..What would you do? Maybe, become invincible indefinitely……..
Ambiguity
What would you do if you feel empty, destitude, and ready to quit? Ambiguity about one’s life choices means to be a death sentence. For a very long time, I go where the wind flows. Where did it got me? A temporary refuge of darkness. I envy those people who knows where the light is and wants to aspire to be in it consistently. Consistency, persistence, and positivity are all the values that I lack. The 21 days rule of changing a habit is too much burden for me because at day 7, I crack and I go back to my old ways, old habits.
A quote (pulled out from google images) that I need to reflect on.
Deadzone…version 1.0
My to do list are piling up and am stuck in a static mode. I feel like I am in a TWILIGHT ZONE, aptly titled the “DEADZONE”. I have more deadzone moments than dynamic moments in my entire life. I remember what my mom told me that I inherited the trait of sheer idleness on my father’s side. Maybe, maybe not. I do believe that I am partly shaped by genetics and by the environment. I guess I grew up pampered with household help doing the cooking, laundry, and other related housekeeping activities. I am not responsible either for the household help salaries and other costs involved in maintaining a household. All of these are being taken care of by my parents. I do not blame my parents for providing me the best possible conveniences life has to offer. I wish that my parents could have at an early age, given me responsibilities or tasks or has been given enough ARSENAL to cope up with the outside world.
If I have a kid and will probably not have one, I wish my kid to learn about good study habits, cooking, sewing, carpentry, and all the do-it-yourself (DIY) skills because it is with these skills that everything else follows. Of course, the importance of education, ethical values, and professionalism should not be taken for granted. A well-rounded individual is more ready to handle what challenges life has to offer.
Below are products of my motivational creativity which happens mostly RARELY. My paintings are copied versions of other people’s works. I used acrylic paints.
conflicted_escape 